Love Beyond Boundaries: Monogamy or Polyamory?
Recently, I posted an intriguing and very unpopular question on Facebook: “Polyamory or monogamy? Give me your best why”
It was quite interesting to see how folks reacted to the question. Some were courageous to express their point of view while others carefully liked particular comments or messaged me privately to express their thoughts. There were as many different opinions as there are people (some of my friends’ awesome responses are at the bottom of this article).
There is an element of shame with regard to thinking “different” that still prevails in our society and humanity in general. As a love and relationships coach and believer in conscious sexuality, I am often asked what do I think about monogamy, polyamory and such.
Here is what I have to say..
I don’t believe in monogamy. I don’t believe in polyamory either. I have seen both polyamorous relationships fall apart as much as monogamous unions when one fundamental factor is missing…HONESTY.
We all know that it’s time for us to live authentically, to step up and ruthlessly embody our truth. And for that there are no functional relationship models. I believe in honesty, integrity, and beyond it all LOVE. Deep, raw, real love for Self and trust in the truth of expression of Self in me and my lover. I believe in commitment to showing up in the depth of presence. I believe in commitment to telling the truth moment by moment no matter how scary it may be. I believe in life free of blame, shame and guilt. I believe in honoring each other, honoring each other so much so you take the risk to be authentically you, moment by moment… And all this may mean that the dynamic between us is that of exclusivity or that we have other lovers, or that it evolves every day.
It may sound unsafe in some situations and it is so for the parts of us that want to be co-dependent, that want to hold on to “safety” and familiarity, to stick to the status quo… But a moment comes when we realize that no-one can ever make us feel safe, or happy unless we feel safe and happy in our own skin.
May we get to know love beyond all boundaries, beyond what we have ever thought was possible.
By the way… you probably think it was mostly women who defended monogamy and men were cheering for polyamory on my Facebook post? This may actually surprise you…
“Monogamy. It’s living in love with your best friend, growing old together. Why would you want anything or someone else? I just have to find that person or be found by her.”Male
“At this point in my life”. I wouldn’t mind experiencing how the other grass is being watered…¦polyamorous stuff and check off our bucket list.” Female
“Polygamy is marrying more than one. Its an open, honest decision of the couple. The United States considers it illegal, so no benefits ” Male
“At this point of my life I’m totally fine with Pizza.” Female