Boys Do Cry: Men’s Emotions, Vulnerability, and Intimate Relationships

This one is for ALL of you, beloved MEN and WOMEN…

I am so deeply touched by the way men in my life reveal themselves, by their courage to be seen by a woman for their strengths, weakness, joy, insecurities, pain, and vulnerability.

I find this is to be truly beautiful, especially in a world that still, for the most part, does not support emotional expression in men, does not allow room for healing and feeling, for connecting deeply with others. We hear some women bashing the patriarchy and the painful oppression that the feminine endured throughout the generations, the collective rage that women hold against men. There is validity in all of it just as there is validity in our men being intensely affected by the patriarchy as well.

Since the young age, men are raised to “suck it up”, to act like a man because boys do not cry and when they do, they are called wimps, sissies, wussies, weak, and are made fun of. There is an incredibly paralyzing emotion of shame that comes along with this belief, shame that creates a disconnect between a man’s physical body and his emotional body. His longing for a deep intimacy is often shadowed by his fear of being shamed and judged for showing authentic emotions. It creates toxic blocks in his body, mind, and soul.

Even multiple research studies are finding that men and women experience emotions in a similar way. The difference is that women are more likely to express the emotion because the society expects it. I cannot begin to imagine what it must feel like to constantly suppress the emotions. Is this even human? Can it be the reason why a heart disease is one of the top killers among men? Our heart is delicate and sacred. All it desires is the freedom to love and be loved for who we are, not to be punished for having human experiences. Besides, both men and women hold a feminine polarity within us and it is our nature to feel, to express, and to relate to one another in a meaningful way.

To men in my life, I want to say thank you. Thank you for opening up and inspiring me, for making me believe that there is hope for human race. Thank you for having the courage to show up as you are amidst the fear of being crushed for sowing your vulnerability, despite the trauma you might have experienced in the past relationships, and even despite the pain of relational dynamics with your mothers.

And to all-powerful women (yes, you are all powerful), I say this. Use your power to heal, use your words to support evolution, tap into your feminine for compassion, and have the courage to open your heart to the vulnerability of others.

In love alive,

Irina